The frightened sky hold the mad moon captive with both hands
Until my voice reaches you, I won't even allow the visit of dawn

All of your words are...
All of your actions are...
For me, these are still too faint

There's nothing that touches my outstretched hands
I exchanged cold kisses with you
No matter how many times I call out your name
No one will be able to erase the accumulating sadness

Even this meeting trembled inside of the mistakes and cutting crimes

All of my thoughts are...
All of my heart is...
Even now I wouldn't be able to forget you

You loved the dawn sky
And at the end showed me tears
Held up by the light, you showed me
How you looked right then

Sometimes the world is so unfair and so ugly.... One day he is saying "u guys go ahead cos he needs u more then me and i give u my blessing." Few days later he says again,"I give u one more chance for u to come back to me." Just wanna know wat the hack is this man!!!

I and her has known each other for 5yrs already... If we were still together, we will be celebrating our 5yrs together anniversary on the 30th of july. Well.... throughout these years we had really been through alot... Happiness sadness, care, concern, love, hugs, kisses, life, death(near), everything.... u name it.. we had done everything before.. To me she was just like my wife. Thats y i took advantage of that... I had a thinking that nevermind... let her go out and play i also no need to worry... cos she is mine. But now, she is not.... she is not mine anymore. Not anymore... sometimes i just feels that she is so stranger to me yet i know her so well.. Just like the elva xiao's song... Zui shou xi de mo sheng ren. I know everything of her... in and out. But she is just so far away..Its like she is on the other side of the bridge and i keep calling out to her and donno y, the bridge is getting longer and longer... no matter how fast i run, i just couldn't reach her. I am so hurt... But i couldn't tell anyone, i told her also no use.. I know that its already impossiable that we can be together again.. Well as she had said, maybe a few years down the road and i manage to see her again, maybe we then can be together again.. I had hurt her a lot a lot until she cant forgive me already... i really regreted it.. but its too late.. way too late. Cos she had already given me too many chances and she nows wanna forget bout me, forget bout the hurts and sadness that i had given upon her... There's really nothing i can do now to get her back... cos her heart is not with me already. She has told me before that althought she still loves me, but getting a bf now is somehow a faster way for her to forget me... Sometime i really think a lot. I would think like is it possible that a bout 1 month relationship and just hit down a relationship that has lasted for 5years?? I know, her love for me is not suddenly went off in a night's time one... Its me that has been hurting and hurting her for the past 2yrs that had made her feelings for me slowly bit by bit die away... But really begin in a relationship for 5yrs is really not easy. And had to get into a relationship for just bout 1month's time is also very amazing.. I really donno wat she is thinking then.. i really donno. Is letting go a 5 yrs relationship so easy?? If it is so, y cant i let go?? All these times i had been thinking there's still hope, there's still hope cos of this 5yrs thing.. In the end, it proved me wrong.... She just wanna try on the new relationship that she has right now and don wanna come back to me already.. I am very tired already... tired of all the things that has happened recently............ Cos i know no matter wat, i will still be the one that really hurts most.

This time i am really leaving... leaving for everyone's good. Cos i am now the third party of the relationship that she is having right now. If the other guy leave her, the guy and her will be sad.. If she leaves the other guy, she and the other guy would be sad... but if i leave, only i will be sad and the both of them will be happy... So this is the first time i am begin so call 'noble' to leave the both of them... i do not wish for anything much, i just wish that she could just give me one more day of happiness and we both go out together and talk nothing bout relationship.. i also hope the other guy would also grant my wish. After that, i will leave... leave the both for them for happiness. If i am really gone, i really would like to bless the 2 of them happiness.. i know that she is not happy during the 3 sided love, thats y on her bday, i gave her the sand present called "happiness".. I did wanna buy the love sand for her, but i know, the love that she really wanted is not mine... wat she needed most is happiness now.. Thats y i really decided to leave and give them happiness...

Things r not the same as before right now.. Sometime i told myself that i am not useless just that i am unlucky. But things that happened recently makes me so vunerable to everything... until a point that i myself thinks that i am really useless..So do not wanna drag anyone down right now. i know that if she will to be with me, she will surely suffer... Thats y i wanna leave and give her happiness. Not many ppl knows that i am sacked by my company and was down on a courtcase... got 90% i will be going behind bars. I am not afraid of that... wat i am worried bout is my family and her. At this moment of time i am sacked by my company, down on a courtcase, betrayed by my friends, betrayed by my colleagues, and most of all.... i lost my GF. My life has gone down to the bottom until i cant climb up. I do not have the courage to climb up any more.. i am too tired already. Too tired of my life already until i don wanna do anything...

If there is anyone who sees this entry and r my true friends in my life, pls help me... i got no one to turn to already... i am very lost now. Am listening to the song of alex toh...... " BU ZOU". I really love to hear this song right now.. it says out all my feelings for her... Anyone who sees this, Don pity me.. cos i don deserved to be pitied. Take care all of u out there......

Lucifer's thoughts......

Cherish all the things u have right now.. Things do change very fast. Today i am sitting right here talking to u all very happily, but the next day, i am sack by my company and was lock up behind bars for more then 24hrs.. This thing really happens and i nearly broke down that time... it was her that pulled me up. I thank her.. but now, she push me down again... i don blame her. I can only blame myself for not treasuring her for not cherishing her. Pls.... love the things u all have right now and treat it with love, care and concern..

To Ann ann my loved one....

It was u that makes my life so wonderful and its also u that makes my life so miserable now... i don blame ya for anything. I deserved it... and i am paying the price for wat i have done right now. I understand ya reasons for leaving me.. I also wanna thank ya for spending all those nights with me and having to lie to him that u r at home.. The times when u were at my house were also my happiest time with ya. I had all the time to talk to ya, to hug ya, to kiss ya, and even to hug ya throughout the night till the next morning... and also wanna thanks ya for giving me the most precisous thing in ya life and keep giving me even when we r not together and have also to lie to him that we didnt do it. Also remember that day when u came to my house and promised to go sentosa on sunday?? Ya left me once he suspects that u r not at home.. U quicky took a cab home and lie to him that u r at home.. Well, i also know that now u really loves him alot cos wat i can say is this is new to u, having someone to chase u again is fresh and new to u.. No matter wat, i will still lose to him one. He's got everything to be ur bf and i got nothing.. Clever gal then will chose him.. Only stupid gal then will think that i am worth it.. These few days ya often says that i am very weak that i often cries now... Wat i can say is its not that i am weak so i cry, its because there r too many things happening to my life that i really cant take it and i am sad then i cry.. It have really been a long time since i last cried if u can remember.. I don cry anyhow one.. Its only when i am really hurt in the heart then i cried out. Wat i can say is i really took things for granted for too long already... its time that i should learn to be alone. To be independent.. Just remember the last finger promise that we had made to each other.... i will keep that promise till the end of my life. I promise, hope u also can promise me. If one day u r alone and suddenly thought of me, u can always give me a call... i will be there for ya no matter wat happens. I miss you a lot right now.. Just wanna tell u, at anytime u feel that u wanna come back to me, i will welcome u back cos no matter wat, u r still the one that i love most.................................... I LOVE YOU THATS Y I LEAVE U. Take care and bye for now...

To Ann ann,

I LOVE YOU...

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You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very creative but never show your work to anyone. You may smile a little but sadness or loneliness surround you and other can feel it when they're near you. You have a dark or unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and you probably have a lot of secrets that you've never told anyone. You're beauty is intriging and unorthidox but the real thing that makes you special is your eyes. Something in them makes them like. 

        Haha..just done this quitz. Well my GF said its very accurate about me..Hehe..

        Hey... thanks for all the guys that leave me a comments..really thanks.. :) But wat i can say is really really i dont have a good quality friend.. When i am down with my accident in hospital, only my church mates come and visit me.. the worst thing is, on one night they called me again and asked me wats my bed no. and they r at hospital when i am already at home... :( Even for my friends at friendster, almost about 90% of them i dont have their no. or address.. Well anyway.. thanks everyone that left me a comment.. i promise i will try to blog more whenever i can..

               Well... suddenly think that i have not described myself to everybody yet.. 

               Ermmm... i am thinking now that wat kind of person am i.. I myself also really donno wat kind of person am i.. but wat i can say is that i am a very quiet person when u first know me.. and most of all, i dont have much friends.. wait, i think i cant say i dont have much friends, i should say i dont have any friends... throughout the years, its only my GF that had accompanied me.. i should really thank her.. As for friends, really... i dont have any.. don believe, u can check out my friendster account at apple_shit@yahoo.com... i only have 26 friends in my list... and wat i can say is only in a blue moon i recieve a sms from one of my friend.. if times were bad, i wont even recieve any sms or call for weeks.. :(

               So i am thinking, is it that i made too little good friends or all my friends dont have a phone??? Not that i feel lonely or wat.. its really the truth loh... haiz...well wat i always heard is "when a person got a bf/gf, is it that all friends leave him/her?? I think so...anyway, i don mind that too much cos i got a nice and caring gf(although sometimes alittle not understanding and unreasonable)... Since i had got together with her 4 and a half years ago, i didnt regret.. Everything that i have done i don regret.. no point regreting it.. cos i chosed my fate to be like this like my accident and school... Lucky i still got my gf with me on those bad times or i will have to fall down and stand up by myself... One thing is i got kind of tired of my job already... i really wanna change my routine.. for me, everyday is like a timetable, everything is so planned.. I really want something new in my life..

               I kind of stopped writing any new entry cos i feel that even if i write, nobody would even bother to leave me any comments or sign my guestbook... kind of also tired already... for now, wat i only hope for is faster for me to get my car liscence and get into army.... poor me, so old already still haven't get into army yet...haiz.. old soldier liao.. hehe...

               I really hope that my last time old friends would come back and find me and fill my life... and hope everyone will make an effort to see my blog and leave me comments so that i will be motivated to write more entries... thanks...

SOME WORDS FROM ME AGAIN...

The greatest enemy in life is yourself. the way to win others is to win yourself.

In work, ite the employee that feeds the employer. Not the employer feeds the employer.

The fastest way from point A to point B is always a straight line.

Be persistant. but dont be a pest.

If u make a metal very hard, it will break easily. If u can try to make a little bit of softness in it, it will last longer..

Bruce lee's words

          Like this river, evrything is flowing on ceaselessly without cessation or standing still.
          No-mindedness is to employ the whole mind as we use the eyes when we rest them upon various objects but make no special effort to take anything in. Chuang-tzu, the disciple of lao-tzu, stated:
          The baby looks at things all day without winking, that is because his eyes are not focused on any particular object. He goes without knowing where he is going, and stops without knowing what he is doing. He merges himself with the surroundings and moves along with it. These are the principles of mental mind.

Lucifus's thoughts

            These r just some thoughts from me... Do spent some time reading it. If possible, try and think carefully the things that i wrote... thks.

            Once there is a person who told me that true love only comes to everyone twice. If you accidently misses or lose the first one, you really have to treasure the second one.
            But how would i know whether the first one had pass me already or not or am i facing the second one??? No one knows. so one thing i can do is to treasure every relationship i have including now.....

            Every person is not perfect. Every person does wrong everytime even me. Not that everyone don't know, its just that on one dares to admit. Therefore i think that admitting wrong is a very great thing everyone must learn to do so. But how come when one person does wrong and he had also admitted that he is wrong but he still continues to do his wrong things? Thats what huamns are. Its like i know that the thing i am doing now is wrong but i still do it and even continue to do it the next time. cos the thing that i had done wrong, only i know that i had done wrong. Nobody knows it. That is why i continue doing it until someone finds out... then i stop......

            When u met someone or something new, believe me, its fate. For the world is so big. Its really no coincidence...

            If u had a chance, get to somewhere very very high and look down. Then u will see things far and clear.

            Practice makes perfect. we don't come to do all things by nature. Even eating needs practice. When you sees a child start learning to eat, he does not even know where must he put the food into. And had to aim for the mouth. Try to calculate, if we eat three times a day and by 2 yrs old we then know how how to eat, thats bout 730times we had practiced on it. Everythings need to be trained out.. no matter what. Just keep trying and one day will make it. Its just a matter of time only.. U must everytime think in ur head, if other people can do it, why not me??

             Life and death are just 1 line of a difference. Now i am fine talking to u down here, maybe the next minute when i am walking down the road, got hit down by a car. Not that i am tired of life then i say all these things.. its just that we cannot predict all these things. So treasure what we have right now. for we only have these few years to live. Not meaning that we should go and do the wrong things like robbery all these. We must do the right things and let many people know who u r for we just live ONE LIFE....

            Sometimes people ask me how good am i at this thing or that thing. I wouldsay, if i say i am an expert on this thing, u may think that i am proud and bull-shitting. If i say i am not good at this thing, u will say i am lying to u.

            Humans normally do not like to listen things that are not good. Even if i know u r telling lies, saying that i am good and handsome and i know that i am not, i will still be happy to hear it and i will not correct u..

            If one day u have time, ask urself why do u live?? What are u seeking for in live?? Money? Fame? Love? many will chose money. Cos with money, you can have fame, love and many things.. But think carefully, is this what u really want?

            In life, dont be a double-face man. Be like water and blend into anything that is given onto u and u will find ur way out..

             There's one question i think most would ask guys most......
If there is a very pretty girl infront of u naked, what would u do??
And most guys would often find the most 'good to hear' answerand give the girls like ' i will not do anything' or 'ask her to go away' or ' i will look but do nothing' or 'go away'. Its all RUBBISH.... For me a simple answer, I will not even got to see the girl naked. Come on, would u be so naive to go into a room with a girl alone and don't even know what's going to happen next?? Think again.....

Well... many people may not really know the real meaning of this yin-yang symbol. This symbol represents the tao. Yes correct. But it can also use in our daily life. This can be called the universe symbol. This is also a symbol of tai chi in which the yin and yang are 2 interlocking parts of one whole, each containing the qualities of its complementaries. The ancient character of yin, the black part of the circle, is a drawing of clouds and hill.
Yin can represent anything in the universe as:
>negativeness, passiveness, gentleness, internal, insubstantiality, femaleness, moon, darkness, midnight.
The other part of the circle is yang. The lower part of the character signifies slanting sunrays, while the upperpart represents the sun. Yann can represent anything as:
>positiveness, activeness, firmness, external, substantiality, maleness, sun, brightness, day, etc.
The most important part is the dot in the both of them. They played a very important part by themselves. Like a metal, no matter how hard it is, it still have softness in it that will make it break. even for darkness, no matter what, u will surely find light out of darkness. Just like love, you will surely find hatred.. Everything co-exist for another....